My failed fest (second draft)

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).

Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?   

Second Draft                                   The red is my improvement from my last draft.

 My failed feast

 

It is a another sunny day at the African Savannah resting in the sun is just a lion thing. I see and smell the buffalos coming towards us I see a calf. They are coming closer how do they not see us lions. It’s December so the buffaloes start to migrate. The buffaloes are walking towards the river bank, were we like to rest by and relax.  I’m feeling really nervous but at the same time feeling ready. The calf is really slow maybe we should get him.

“CHARGE!” Us lions charged at the buffalo calf and pushed him in the water. We went to pull him out then we saw something in the water.  It was a crocodile he snapped on the calf's back, then we played a little game of tug of war.

We won of course then we went to pull him out of the water until we heard a loud noise “GIVE US OUR CALF BACK!” So we hid the calf and stayed near it. Then they got way too mad so we started to run. One of my brothers stayed near the calf and dragged it but then we said don’t but he did not listen so he got pushed in the water we had to go back for him.

The buffaloes got their calf back so then we were on our way back  home.  I felt something on my back I turned around and the buffalo was kicking me, I thought this war was over I guess not. I scratched and roared at the buffalo then I ran away I went home and the war was finally over.

Now I know not to go anywhere near that herd because I learnt that they are too tough and angry they would just beat us like they did today. Now I will go and get some rest in the nice warm sun. This day has made me feel really exhausted and devastated.