My Horror Space Adventure (second draft)

The read is my improvements from my first draft.

W.A.L.T write a narrative

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when….

• The title is suitable for the text.

• The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
• The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
• The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
• Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.

The yellow highlight is what we had to do this week.

	Punctuation	Vocabulary
Self	R5 Or R6	R5
Peer	R5	R4orR5

It’s not a Planet, it’s our home here is a link to a video we had to watch to make this story.

This is my story called Wait Its All A Dream. This Is my first draft.

I hope you like my story I think that I have done well with this story. This Is probably one of my best story's to.

My Horror Space Adventure!

It was 1961 my trainer Joe had raised me ever since I was a baby, he was like a dad to me. One day Joe was talking on the phone while I was lying on a little surgeon's table eating a banana. I just thought he was talking to someone until I heard him say…”Ok that would be fine my chimp won't mind being in space for 65 years!”

Yes I am a chimp, my name is Lan. Then that's when it all happened.

NASA Space Station is ready for lift off! 3,2,1! BANG, CRASH. I felt something rumbling underneath me. I looked out for a split second and I was high up from the ground. I looked around me I was in something I have never been in before a space capsule! I did not know what to do. I talked into a radio that was beside me I said “I’ve made it! Lan is  in the air!” I waited… and waited… and waited… for a reply, but all that came out was ERROR!!....ERROR!!….ERROR!! Then I heard, “THE ROCKET IS LOW ON FUEL!!” That came out from the radio.

I was scared. Am I ever going to see Joe again? Am I going to go back home ever again? Will I be in space until I die? I had so much questions running through my mind.

But then I felt sleepy and fell into a coma that I thought I would never awake from, and did not wake for...

Sixty Five Years……

Beep...Beep...Beep... I struggled to wake up my vision was blurry and my mind was to. Wait where am I? Where is everyone? I yelled out the name Joe, but silence was all I could hear. No reply or a banana just the scene of space and me in the reflection. I’m wrinkled, old, grey haired. I turned around and seen the milky way, I do like being up in space but not alone. It is 2026 now, I would love to go back home and play in the trees eating a banana and playing with Joe. But In 1961 was  probably my last time seeing Joe. I remember what he looks like, he has blonde hair, he is kind and helpful. He does not seem kind because he sent me in space but maybe it was the right thing for him. He also works for NASA Space Station. They were the ones who wanted me to go to space, because Joe was the only one who had a pet chimp, that kind of means I’m famous.

I tried to sleep but I kept thinking about home and if I'll ever get back. I looked up and that's when I seen the most beautiful thing ICE CREAM!! Oh no, hhhmmm? EARTH!! A smile lit up my face with excitement because I had found my home.

I was the only one in the capsule so it was up to me to use the control panel and get me home safe. I need to figure out which buttons to push and how to control this thing. Maybe they left an instruction manual in here? My heart pounded, I could not land without something to help me. I looked everywhere, that's when I looked up and seen a photo of me and Joe. I am glad that I have found that photo now I can see him all the time. Thats right I need to look for a control manual to land. I have not found It so I need to figure out how to land with all of these buttons in front of me. Maybe I should press this button. “PHEWWW!” I go down really fast. The capsule try’s to break through the earth's atmosphere and it does make it through. A parachute pops up above the capsule like popcorn, it makes it feel more calm. I still have not made down yet but I can see the ground far down beneath me. I shoot down to the ground “SHEWWW!” “THUDD!!”

TERRA FIRMA!!

The dust had past the window, so I looked out and I gasped. I can not understand what  happened to this place! It’s been destroyed. I looked around everywhere the trees were leafless like it was autumn the buildings have no windows, and worst of all where is everyone? Where is Joe? I looked down and in my cold wrinkled hands was the photo of Joe and I. I yelled “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME JOE?” I scrunched up the paper and threw it at the ground.

This is not just a planet it's my home!

I looked at the photo and a shadow overcame it!

That shadow is weird I know it’s not my shadow because, it’s behind me this is weird?

So I turned around but I did not have time …...

THWACK!!!

I wake up in a room that looked exactly like the room at Joe’s house. I heard talking but it was a chimp

“OO AA OA” (That means we have killed the space chimp.) Wait!!  What?? I’m not dead, Or am I?? I punched myself to see if I was a ghost.

“Oww” I yelled, I’m not dead. But all of a sudden it was so quiet the chimps had stopped talking. I jumped down off the surgeon’s table. I looked behind me no one was there, so I looked in front and there was a big chimp with a gun on his belt. He grinned and I gasped for air he pulled out his gun then he pulled out a photo and said,

“I have Joe he is in a big room in a chair with guards around him.”  I looked closer at the picture and seen my worst enemy before I meet Joe, it was Gwen. She worked at the animal museum she once tried to stuff me but Joe saved me. Wait I need that photo, so I tried to dodge big chimp, but he stopped me with his big big hands. He pulled me up by the neck and threw me into a small tight room with no windows, just a little plastic lookout. It kind of reminded me of the space capsule. So I pretended I was lifting off then I heard a voice, Joe? I thought I was daydreaming so I carried on what I was doing. But I kept on hearing it so I peeked out of the lookout and it was him, it was Joe! He was so old just like me. He looked at me he smiled and waved. He looked very weak he could not fight out of all those guards. I tried to get out to help him, I heard screaming out shouting I looked up and Joe had killed the guards “What the!?” “How did you do that” I said

“A little bit of training” Joe said. Joe helped me out and we ran away. Big chimp stopped us in our path.

“Where do you two think you are going?” He said

“To find our home and live happy again.” Joe said.

“Oh No your not.” Big chimp said. He threw me and I landed right in front of the photo. I did not have time to escape he had slayed me with a knife. The darkness overcomes my eyes and I slowly start to close them. I quickly say “Good bye Joe, thank you for eevverryythhh….” That was my last words. The darkness overcome my eyes and I struggle to breath, “ahoo ahoo.” I fall into a heavy sleep.

I wake to the sound of a phone ringing, I hear a voice, “ Is that God?” “Am I in heaven?” “Am I dead?” I say to myself.

I do not know what to do. So I stay where I am and wait for some company.

I heard someone talking on a phone. It sounded like Joe's voice I did not have time to hear what he said. He came closer and closer to me, wait that's Joe when he was young. He said to me,

“Are you ready to go to space now Lan?” Joe said.

“NOO!” But it was too late. He had given me a banana and I ate it and it put me to sleep. Joe took me to NASA space station, It is happening! My dream is coming true!